Understanding the Intent Behind Behavior Change: Neuro-Normative vs. Neuro-Affirming Approaches

Context is a crucial element in driving change. Who seeks the change, and why?

The intent behind the need for change plays a significant role in providing the right support for neurodivergent individuals. Often, the drive for behavior change stems from neuro-normative social expectations.

However, when a neuro-affirming approach is used, the focus shifts. Instead of changing the individual to fit societal norms, the goal becomes reducing the stress that triggers the behavior, leading to a natural shift in the behavior itself.

ABA methodology strives to change behavior through conditioning and reward-based programs, often using positive reinforcement or punishment to enforce desired actions. These methods can create stress for the child, as they focus on external compliance rather than addressing the child's underlying needs or emotional state.

Here are five examples of behaviors parents or teachers may want to change in a child, along with the contrasting approaches of how to handle them in a neuro-affirming (non-ABA) way versus an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) -based way:

1. Behavior: Tantrums or Meltdowns

   
   

   • ABA Approach (Bad): Using reward systems or punishment (e.g., ignoring the tantrum until the child complies or giving rewards for stopping the behavior) to "stop" the meltdown.

     
     

   • Neuro-Affirming Approach (Good): Recognizing that tantrums or meltdowns are often a response to overwhelming emotions or stress. Supporting the child by helping them regulate their emotions in a safe space, providing calming techniques, and addressing the underlying stressors.

     

   
   

2. Behavior: Difficulty with Transitions (e.g., from one activity to another)

   
   

   • ABA Approach (Bad): Using a rigid reward or consequence system to force the child to comply with transitions, like giving a reward for moving on to the next task.

     
     

   • Neuro-Affirming Approach (Good): Understanding that transitions may be hard for the child and offering support such as clear visual cues, transition warnings, support/sensory items, or more time to process and adjust to the change.

     

3. Behavior: Repetitive Movements or Stimming

   
   

   • ABA Approach (Bad): Attempting to stop the child from stimming (e.g., hand-flapping, rocking) by using aversive techniques like redirection or reprimands, aiming to make the child conform to social norms.

     
     

   • Neuro-Affirming Approach (Good): Acknowledging that stimming is a self-soothing behavior that helps the child manage stress and sensory overload. Supporting the child in finding healthy, acceptable ways to stim while ensuring they feel safe and comfortable.

     
     

4. Behavior: Limited Social Interaction or Difficulty with Peer Relationships

   
   

   • ABA Approach (Bad): Pushing the child to engage in forced social interactions or rewarding them for pretending to enjoy socializing, often to fit social norms.

     
     

   • Neuro-Affirming Approach (Good): Recognizing that the child may prefer solitary activities or have specific social needs. Offering support to explore social interactions at the child's own pace, respecting their boundaries, and encouraging authentic connections that align with their comfort level.

     

5. Behavior: Strong Interest in Specific Topics or Activities

   
   

   • ABA Approach (Bad): Forcing the child to participate in a wide range of activities or interests, disregarding their special interests, to "normalize" their behavior.

     
     

   • Neuro-Affirming Approach (Good): Embracing the child's passions and special interests, seeing them as a valuable part of their identity. Encouraging learning and engagement within those interests, while also providing opportunities for expanding skills and trying new things in a low-pressure, supportive environment.

     

If you're seeking Neuro-Affirming Parenting Support, I invite you to explore our consulting services. I offer both in-person consultations (in the Northern Virginia/DC area) and virtual sessions. As a nurse certified in Neurodiversity Affirming Practice with 19 years of experience, I bring a unique perspective as an autistic adult and the mother of two neurodivergent children. My first-hand experience with neurodivergence deeply informs the support I provide, offering unparalleled insight and guidance. Click the image below to head to my consulting page: